Agree or Disagree


Every morning I like surfing the web and news stations to see what is happening in this big world of ours. Well this morning I came across a news article that kind of made me think What?!?! It is on the Today Shows website. It is called Dreams delayed or denied, young adults put off parenthood. Now, to many of us this topic can be controversial or hard to talk about. I am just going to put my opinion out there and you can agree or disagree.

I am a religious person, I grew up knowing that I wanted to be a mother and that it was very important to be a mother. When I first met Adam and knew we were going to get married, I wanted children. I didn’t want kids right away and I of course opted for the birth control. I didn’t want children right away because I wanted to have a year with Adam to figure out our relationship and just be together. After a week of marriage though I decided that the birth control wasn’t for me. I was sick and didn’t feel good about being on it. During our sealing(wedding ceremony), the sealer talked about the importance of having children. The words of this man weighed heavy on my mind. Adam and I decided that it was best for us to not prevent children from coming into our home. We decided to stop taking the birth control. I am happy that we did.

Years passed and I kind of figured that there was something wrong with me because I wasn’t getting pregnant. It took us two and half years to get pregnant with Tessa. The article that I mentioned above talks about the reason why young married adults today choose not to have children. The main reason is their financial situation. I think that if I would have thought about it in this way we still wouldn’t have children. My mind wasn’t set to that though. I have never thought about the challenges of money that would happen when we had children or have children. I think children are important, a right and blessing that Heavenly Father has given us. I think people get so stuck on worrying about the “Money” situation that they put things off in life and don’t realize that even after taking those birth control pills, you may not even be able to have children. 

There will always be problems with the economy and our world. Money will have it ups and downs. Adam and I struggle on a daily basis with money and challenges, but it is so important to know that no matter what, we would have never changed our path. Adam and I may never be able to purchase a home, we may never have a great retirement, we may never get to go on those wonderful vacations. Yes these things matter to us, but not enough to have made changes in our choices with having our children. I am a stay at home mother and I struggle everyday thinking about how our life would change if I was working out side of our home. Then I start thinking about the benefits of staying home with our kids.

I think the title of the article is deceiving. I think the couple they highlight are denying themselves this blessing, they are the ones holding back on having children. No matter what you want in this life you have a choice, you decide how to make your life. You decide if you are going to be happy, if you are going to wait on certain things in your life. You have a choice to make the best of your situation. I look at the 3 wonderful kiddos that I have and I am so grateful for the experiences they have given me, I am grateful that we decided to not wait. I just think you never know what is going to happen in this life, this man or woman in the article may have a serious problem with getting pregnant. They may not know this until later down the road, and to have waited and used those years putting off pregnancy may prevent them from even being able to be a parent. It is such a hard thing to weigh and to think about, but I know in my heart if you choose to have children you will be blessed with the things you need.



12 Responses to Agree or Disagree

  1. robynski says:

    This is definitely a touchy subject. In our family alone, not to mention the countless others we know, there are struggles with infertility. We all like to imagine the perfect life, with kids, without kids, with money and no health problems. With perfect teeth, and never a hair out of place. Not so, we all have struggles and we all deal with issues differently. We all have to decide what is right for us. Not for others. I wish the show would have had a family that decided the opposite to show a comparison. But that is not what the world is about. I’d like to say down the road the decision to put off having children is a wise one so the children live in a financially stable environment. But there is so much more to consider than just money. To me it’s kind of like buying a lottery ticket and then signing a mortgage document for a million dollar home. Have you won yet? No but you’re sure it’s going to win big so everything will be just fine. um, not really.

    In college I took a class discussing this subject among other financial goals and considerations that you encounter in life. One of my classmates said the smartest thing one day – he said “Everyone here is married or going to be in the future, well, mostly. I see everyone worrying about finishing school and getting a job so they put birth control in place to avoid having a child while in college. Do you even know you can conceive a child? Why waste the money on avoiding a pregnancy without knowing you can get pregnant?” The class chuckled. I thought he was very smart. Prior knowledge helps make those determinations. I’m still going to say even with the knowledge that yes, I’ll get pregnant, I want to manage my life according to my plans. The world teaches us that having everything in place will ensure success, especially with parenting. If having money were the end all and be all we wouldn’t read stories about Mylie Cyrus, Brittany Spears or Lindsay Lohan or any other of the countless rich kids that have it all at their disposal, running their lives into a ditch. What children need more than anything are loving parents and a safe environment in which to grow and become the very best people they can be. And that, doesn’t always mean having lots of money.

    I could go on and on. I’m glad you have made good choices and you are happy with following your promptings.

    • bhdummar says:

      It is so true, you never know what may or may not happen. But to prevent it because of money is crazy to me. I like that you said that the world teaches us if we have everything in place it will ensure our success, I couldn’t disagree with the world more, and those shining examples that we have here.

  2. Angie Mireles says:

    I agree it is silly to worry about the money issues because if you wait til you feel it is the right time financially your opportunity would have passed you by. We all have our struggles. I saw a sign that once read (We may not have it all together, but TOGETHER we have it all).

    • bhdummar says:

      It is true, together we do have it all.

      • Smee says:

        lol all the braces, all the clogged drains, all the flat tires…but ya, all the fun, all the “family jokes”, all the giggles at the most inappropriate but fun times… we get it all if only we have eyes to see it. : )

  3. Smee says:

    This also applies to those who postpone marriage for similar reasons. Even when someone has the financial means they feel are necessary for the cost of a family, things happen. Very unplanned, unexpected things happen. A spouse loses their career/job, is injured or dies. A child is diagnosed with a long term or chronic disease, or perhaps is born with a costly disability. Our home is destroyed by an act of nature. We and our estate have been sued. And on and on. Life happens, and frankly, in my experience life usually throws me a financial curve ball that even with excellent insurance, causes a panic in our heart and bank account.

    If we choose to wait until we have some financial security, well that’s just being smart. But I think we need to keep a close eye on what exactly we *are* spending on. If we put off a family -either getting married or rearing children- until after we have “made partner”, secured a “nice home in a nice neighborhood”, until after we’ve “traveled” or gained “experience”, it is *my* opinion we are selling ourselves short and may regret those decisions.

    “Nature finds a way” and for most of us, so do our bank accounts. If we have baby birds to feed, we’ll find the worms. They may not get the tallest nest or leftover cinnamon rolls from the house below, but they will get enough to keep them fed and growing.

    There is a whisper in my ear that cautions me to not judge people who are not married by a certain age, and also those who are married but who do not yet have children. Unless I am a close confident to the person(s) in question, I *really* don’t know the “why” to their postponement of these blessings. Nothing is more regrettable than saying the wrong thing with the best intention to someone who longs for the blessing of marriage or children and has been denied them through no fault of their own.

    • robynski says:


    • bhdummar says:

      I agree with you, not to judge, we don’t know if there is some reason why for another person. Just the money issue though alone is not an argument for me. Like you said “Nature finds a way.” Thanks for sharing your thoughts, well said!

      • Smee says:

        this coming from the mother of 5 who is still waiting on that “nice home in the nice neighborhood”…lol! At least we have the “hood” part!

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